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Thread: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006

    Smile 'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

    'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny DeLouse
    He polished his gun and topped the agitator
    Waiting for Santa, who would be by later

    A cruel trick Santa played on last Christmas day
    When he left for poor Johnny, a lowly Stingray
    He'd worked through the summer at the local meat locker
    He saved up and bought a tricked out Autococker

    He waited for Santa in a tactical crouch
    His cammies matched perfectly his mother's new couch
    His red dot cast an eerie glow on the place
    As he waited for Santa to show his fat face

    When out on the roof there arose such a clatter
    That Johnny got ready for Santa to splatter
    He pulled down his Spectras and chambered a ball
    'Cause Santa was here and was fixing to call

    Santa's no dummy, he's got intuition
    He came down the chimney with his own ammunition
    He wore an Intruder and sported a 'Mag
    A case of RP was tucked in his bag

    The volley that followed was more than just fair
    The paintballs collided in the middle of air
    Johnny dove for cover as Santa moved too
    The place would be wrecked before they were through

    When their hoppers were empty and the firing had quit
    Johnny wiped off his goggles, he couldn't see $hit
    Ol' Santa was crouching down on one knee
    And stacking the presents under the tree

    Johnny was aiming to shoot him some more
    When all of a sudden, his jaw hit the floor
    Santa ignored him, in his eye was a glisten
    He laid out for Johnny a nitrogen system

    He went up the chimney as quick as he'd come
    And left Johnny dripping paint, emotionally numb
    He'd ambushed Ol' Santa and was now feeling mean
    Santa had the last laugh, he left him to clean

    Johnny straightened the stockings and wiped up the paint
    He cleaned until morning, he thought he would faint
    Santa's an awesome player, he thought in his head
    As trudged to his room and fell in his bed

    Don't wait up for Santa on this Christmas eve
    That jolly old fat guy has a trick up his sleeve
    If you've revenge in your eye like Johnny DeLouse
    You'll only wind up bruised and cleaning the house

    …The Next Year

    'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny Delouse
    He'd written to Santa a letter this year
    And asked for a rematch with stockguns, I hear

    He acquired a Carter and played stock a lot
    And became a believer of one kill with one shot
    Santa's up to the challenge, he thought afterall
    And he'd take out that fat man with just one well placed ball

    The rules would be simple, he promised no scam
    Only ten rounds of paint and a single twelve gram
    He promised old Santa he'd give him his best
    But just as in last year, loser cleans up the mess

    Now, Johnny's a year older and wiser, you see
    He perched himself outside and up in a tree
    Johnny's view of the roof was just perfect, I'd say
    He chambered a paintball and awaited his prey

    Johnny waited and waited and got cold and stiff
    If Santa had snubbed him, he'd really be miffed
    He almost gave up and went in to his bed
    When the sound of those sleighbells rang true in his head

    When the sleigh did approach from the north as to land
    Johnny beamed deep inside, it was just as he'd planned
    He checked on his marker he pulled out the plug
    He adjusted his facemask with one final tug

    Santa's sleigh did then land and ol' Johnny took aim
    He snapped off two quick shots and a third just the same
    His shots had been accurate, his aim was so true
    His target just sat there dripping in blue

    What Johnny marked was not Santa, you see
    And a ball outta nowhere felled John from his tree
    He gathered his senses and felt for the hit
    The ball had just bounced but it bruised his left tit

    Santa's tricked poor old Johnny not once but now twice
    But John still had seven shots when just one should suffice
    Now an old elf in red couldn't hide I'd surmise
    But Johnny knew well Santa had one more surprise

    He sprinted for cover near his father's old shed
    When he felt that old paintball smack into his head
    His hand came back gooey this lesson was hard
    Santa ambushed him this time from his own neighbor's yard

    In the wink of an eye the old man was gone
    And left Johnny splattered as the morning did dawn
    This year's duel with Santa has left this hope alive
    Maybe next year they'll tangle for three out of five

    Authored: Huskerbug
    It's Not the Answer that Enlightens but the Question

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Bloomington, California
    Very cool! Great imagination in this one. Excellent job!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    It's that time of year again.
    Have a great Christmas Everyone!
    It's Not the Answer that Enlightens but the Question

    Pneucocker Full Build

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    New Jersey
    those were great!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    San Diego CA
    That need to be included in all Christmas story books.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Those warmed my heart.

    Happy sportsmanship too all, and to all a good night.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2013
    the wife and I both thought that well written
    it was awesome good job!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Bump for Christmas cheer 2014.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Covington, Louisiana 70433
    My first time reading it. Hilarious and amazingly creative. Happy holidays everyone!
    How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Merry Christmas everyone!
    It's Not the Answer that Enlightens but the Question

    Pneucocker Full Build

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